Hello World

A number of people have requested me to keep a blog of my time in the army. I don't promise much, but I will try. And as I expect to get one to two days off every three weeks, you shouldn't expect much either.

I'll start with what I can

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I got my first letter from the army back in March, saying that I had to show up at the Draft Board on April 17. By early June, they figured out that I live in Haifa (I've been here since last December) and sent some more letters that actually reached me. I did show up to that first meeting, but they had by that point realized there was a mistake in the address (it still took another month and a half of me constantly repeating "I live in HAIFA" for them to get the new one) and they just told me to go home and wait.

For my [second] first meeting, I spent the first two hours (after the obligatory waiting) giving them my basic information: where I grew up, who my parents are, who to contact in case something happens to me...

It seemed to be much more interesting for the soldiers working there than for me. When I showed them my letter from the Ministry of Education confirming that I have a degree, it was passed all around the office and everyone "Oohed" (or "אווו" I suppose, since they all spoke Hebrew). Then came an interview/Hebrew test, which I hated. The whole morning I was speaking in Hebrew with almost no problem, but as soon as they were testing it, I couldn't say a word.

I was then sent upstairs for the physical. It went fine, except that when I speak Hebrew, especially when I speak badly, I get nervous. So when the doctor took my blood pressure, I guess it was in the "he should be dead" range. Fortunately (?) the doctor realized it wasn't normal for me and told me to get it tested a few more times at the lcoal clinic, then return.

And I have found what must be the worst job in the army. I had felt bad for friends who told me about being stuck on the Jordanian border just watching fish, but that's nothing now. There is a girl whose entire job is to tell people to pee in a cup and return it to her.

For my last stop of the day, I was given a "psychotechnical exam." It was like a pattern section from the SATs - they'd show three shapes and I had to choose from four options which one would complete the set. It was incredibly simple stuff, like "large square, large triangle, small square, ______" (if you're confused, the answer is "small triangle"). I think real Israelis get a more comprehensive test, more like the American army exam.

I was called back a few weeks later and showed them the doctor's blood pressure tests. Between my bad eyes, age (most Israelis are finished with the army by the time they're 21, not entering at 23), questionable blood pressure, and so on... they gave me a perfect health score: 97 out of 97 (no one seems to know why it's out of 97 instead of 100).

I guess this sealed my fate.



For my next (and up to now, last) trip down there, they sat me down with a computer display of my job options and a soldier to explain what they mean. The ten options were: Infantry (Golani, Kfir, Givati, or Nachal brigade), Border Guards, Artillery, Anti-Aircraft, Tanks, Field Engineers, and Field Intelligence.

For each of the ten I had to label how much I wanted them, from 1 (Definitely not) to 5 (Absolutely yes). The only one I was adamant about was tanks, and after I explained my opinion on them (big death traps) to the soldier, she said, "OK, we'll mark that as 0." The rest I was mostly between abivalent to negative about (if it's me vs. a plane, I don't like my odds). And there was a separate section for my top three choices, plus a write-in spot for any profession or degree I may have. I told the girl that I have a degree in music, and her response was to just laugh and say, "Right, you're not doing that." Somehow, the army has decided that I'm going into a combat unit and I have no choice about it.

To be fair, the Field Intelligence sounded quite interesting. It's basically an infantry unit, but when there's "peace" (or what passes for peace around here), they do intelligence. And not just sitting in a basement looking at pictures of roads, but sitting outside with binoculars (all safe though, and all from within Israel). And I've heard very good things about them, so I put that as one of my three choices.


I was then told to just wait for my draft date. As simple as this should be, it's become one of the most confusing parts of the whole process. I've gotten four different צוי גיוס ["call-up papers" I guess would be the translation] with three different dates. The first two said November 4, then December 5, then November 18. And when I got back from America yesterday there was a letter waiting for me saying that they have acknowledged my status as a "lone soldier" (someone with no family in Israel, which means I get a lot of extra benefits), and I should show the letter to whoever is in charge when I get to the base, on November 4.

To settle it all, at least for now, I called up the Draft Board today. It looks like November 4 is my date. So four weeks from today, I'll be a soldier.